Putting Your Children at the Centre
For many separating parents, one of their biggest concerns is how the separation will affect their children.
Children can experience family separation in different ways, and their needs may change over time.
Mediation can help parents focus discussions on practical questions such as:
What arrangements are workable for our children?
How can we give them consistency and reassurance?
How will we communicate about important decisions?
What happens when plans need to change?
How can we avoid placing our children in the middle of disagreements?
The aim is not to create a “perfect” parenting relationship. It is to explore whether you can establish clear, realistic arrangements that take account of your children’s needs and your family’s circumstances.
How Family Mediation Can Help With Co-Parenting
Family mediation allows separated parents to discuss arrangements with the support of an independent mediator.
Depending on your circumstances, mediation may help you explore:
Living Arrangements
Discuss where your children will live and how time between households might work.
Contact and Parenting Time
Consider weekdays, weekends, overnight stays and other arrangements for children spending time with each parent.
School Holidays
Discuss arrangements for summer holidays, half terms, Christmas, Easter and other important dates.
Communication
Explore practical ways to communicate about your children, including how and when information should be shared.
Education and Activities
Discuss issues relating to school, childcare, clubs, hobbies and other activities.
Changes in Circumstances
Consider how future changes, such as moving home, work commitments or children becoming older, could be discussed.
Parenting Plans
Where appropriate, mediation can help parents record the arrangements they have discussed in a clear written format.
Do We Have to Be in the Same Room?
Not necessarily. Depending on your circumstances and the mediator’s assessment of suitability, mediation may take place online, in person or with participants in separate spaces.
Your mediator will discuss the available options with you and consider whether mediation is suitable for your circumstances.
You should not feel pressured to participate in an arrangement that the mediator considers inappropriate or unsafe.
What Is a MIAM?
A Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting, usually called a MIAM, is an initial meeting with a trained family mediator.
It normally takes place individually.
During your MIAM, you can discuss your circumstances confidentially with the mediator, learn more about how mediation works and consider the different options that may be available.
The mediator will also assess whether mediation appears suitable for your circumstances.
In many cases, a person wishing to apply to the Family Court about child arrangements must attend a MIAM first, although exemptions apply in certain circumstances.
Attending a MIAM does not require you to proceed with mediation.
Is Mediation Suitable for Every Family?
No. Family mediation can help many separated parents, but it is not appropriate in every situation.
Suitability is assessed individually.
The mediator will consider matters including safety, domestic abuse, safeguarding concerns and whether each person can participate effectively in the process.
If mediation is not appropriate, the mediator can explain why and discuss possible next steps.
If you or your children are in immediate danger, mediation should not delay you from seeking appropriate emergency or legal assistance.
What Happens If We Reach an Agreement?
If you reach proposals during mediation, the mediator can record what you discuss and agree.
Arrangements reached through mediation are not automatically the same as a court order.
Depending on the circumstances and the type of agreement reached, you may want independent legal advice about its legal effect and whether any further steps are appropriate.
Your mediator can explain the mediation process but does not act as a solicitor for either parent or provide legal advice to one person against the other.
What If We Cannot Agree?
Mediation does not guarantee that an agreement will be reached.
Sometimes parents agree on everything. In other cases, they may resolve some issues while others remain outstanding.
Even if you don’t reach full agreement, mediation may help identify the main areas of disagreement and clarify the options available.
If mediation does not result in an agreement, you may wish to obtain independent legal advice about your next steps.
Co-Parenting Arrangements Can Change
What works for a five-year-old may not work for a twelve-year-old.
School, friendships, activities, work patterns and family circumstances can all change over time.
Parents who previously reached an agreement can return to mediation if they need to reconsider arrangements.
Mediation can therefore be used not only following an initial separation but also when an existing parenting arrangement needs to change.